Briefly… the Douglas Adams Remembrance Saturday edition

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Happy Towel Day everyone. Let’s make it a good one!

It could very well be our last.

Post 300: Stranger Things…

ed. note: this was originally slated to appear on Monday, as that was actually my 300th post. Sadly, unforeseen events precluded this from occurring; but I’ve no regrets about the decision to postpone, nor the post that took this one’s place.

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“Douglas?”

“Yes Clive?”

“He’s forgotten about us, hasn’t he?”

“Clive, my friend, no. It’s worse than all that – he’s given up on us.”

“Why’d he do that?”

“I don’t know, my friend, I do not know. I suppose it could be said that it’s because one of us just struck too close to home, and the other, well not nearly enough to make a lock-tight and firm connection. Then again my friend, it might have just been that he never did have a real story formulated in the first place – no game plan to speak of, ya dig?”

“I suppose. But it was coming together Douglas! Well, somewhat any way. I mean there were ideas there – seeds. He even went so far as to research the proper name to be used for Tia; you know, in order to set up the ending. All that had to mean something, right? Right?”

“Clive, it only ever means anything if the writer doesn’t give up. He gave up, plain n’ true. Leaving you, me, Tia and all the rest in the dust. Just another amateur hack job story, collecting dust on the interwebs my friend, that’s all we are now.”

“But I could see how it was going to play out. How I was going to win in the end. How we were going to figure out exactly what you actually were.”

“But do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you know what I actually am?”

“Ummm, no.”

“See, neither did he, Clive. Neither did he.”

“So he gave up?”

“Clive, my man, I suppose he did.”

“Douglas?”

“Yes Clive?”

“Will I ever see you again?”

“You might. I mean he does have a daughter, right? And she’s a true and gifted writer. She may just someday find us, dust us off, and give it another go. Who knows, my friend? Stranger things have happened before.”

“Yes Douglas, stranger things have…”

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Listen, I don’t really “do” numbers. All but two of my forty-three birthdays have swam past with barely a notice. But for whatever reason, in Blogsville I’m always attentive to the “00” posts. I’ve no idea why, but they always seem the hardest to write, the easiest to muck up – evidence as to whether I’m an actual writer, or just some sort of “wanna-be housewife” with too much time on my hands, and a hollow dream in my head. As you can see from the above conversation, I have always felt fairly bad about running out on the boys, and decided to take the opportunity of using Post 300 to sort of apologize to them for doing so.

As with the other “00’s,” I want to thank you for coming along on my ride with me. It has been possibly the single most expanding experience I have had in learning just who in the hell I am, and I’m glad to have been able to share it with you all here =)

•••

PS: sometimes the most marvelous things can be found by simply throwing a random phrase into the Youtube search bar. As such, here’s Local Natives with – strangely enough – “Stranger Things.”

You’ve got a lot of fans David Johansen…

And you too, Tevye.

Remember how I recently spoke of finding a “better place?” Yeah, well I’m finally getting around to that. And one of the things I’ve always wanted to do with this blog was to create one of those “Search Term” posts – you know, like Charissa over at Old Enough For Fairy Tales does – a task I decided was finally due.

As the title implies, Mr. Johansen is the clear winner, scoring in the first with his name alone, and then again in conjunction with The New York Dolls, the movie “Scrooged” (two of you even searched specifically for my favorite line of his in this, “it’s a bone, you lucky dog!”) and his time as Buster Poindexter. Honestly, I don’t feel as if I’ve dedicated that many posts to him, but he is by far the one leading the most people to drink from my muddy word pond.

It should be noted, Jesus comes in at the second and third slots (a lot of you seem to be interested in seeing Him hug people), but it’s Tevye and his “Fiddler On The Roof” that are far more searched for when compiling all the different terms used (five of you went so far as to seek out the logo specifically). And again, I believe I only ever did one post referencing this show. I wonder – in general – do New York Dolls fans also share an affinity for Broadway shows about Jews in Czarist Russia?

Who knows? I do know however, that a lot of people found me while searching about for National Heavy Metal Day (11/11/11). I’m sorry I only made one post about that as well. Hope I didn’t disappoint you. And I can also guess that quite a few of you have probably “borrowed” some my work on same-sex marriage based on some of the very – ummm, let’s say “specific” – searches done on this subject.

Now, while those terms may the ones that saw the most overall action, here’s a brief rundown of some of the odder ones I also found while strolling through the list:

“cool english words.” Hope they found some here – like when I said “douchery,” or “dumbassery.”

“godzilla dance party.” Every Tuesday.

“sexy robot” and “robots doing makeup.” Hey, I’m sure we’ve all searched at least once.

“spooning spoons.” Ummm, cottage industry in the making?

“bert kaempfert – christmas wonderland +cover.” Now that I KNOW the 4 searchers were able to obtain here! Why they were searching for this specifically, I suppose, is a whole different story.

“pooter bunny.” I have no idea, but 2 people thought to look for it here.

“andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber.” Who was that, again?

“i’m a whovian.” We all are. It’s just that some poor suckers don’t realize it yet.

“man spooning naked women.” Without the “with,” I’m not even sure what this involves but – I’ll say it so that you don’t have to – at least they’re not forking.

“baby rooms with dark wood cribs.” None here.

“sign that makes someone feel less ugly.” I hope they found it. If not, here it is again:

“what key did bobby darin sing as long as i’m singing in?” Not a clue.

“old people stoned.” Gotta admit, it would be pretty funny, but I’ve never actively searched for it.

“sex thunks.” Educated!

“clondom.” Wait – a word I made up for a school project was actually thunked up by someone else and searched for?

“invisible like casper.” I don’t know what about this brought them to me, but it does sound like a cool name for a rock band.

And speaking of cool band names, really? “Death donut?”

“i’m gay and i love bobby darin.” Is there a connection? Were they hoping to find a support group?

“cs lewis singing.” to my knowledge, he was actually an author.

“aslongasimsinging.wordpress.com” Come on NOW! If you’ve made it that far, why didn’t you just plug it into the address bar instead of searching?

“lol, that’s all i can say! sap for you and me:-).” I have no idea, but as God is my witness, this is the ONLY time you’ll ever see the dreaded “lol” appear on my blog. omg.

“famous male singers with bad teeth.” It was probably for a school paper or a craft project.

“Godzilla blanket.” One with him on it, or one for him to use?

And my personal favorite, although I don’t know why other than it makes me laugh every time I read it, “judas priest burp.”

Overall, this was a fun exercise, but one that I can’t imagine I’ll do too often. While I stuck to the odd ones here, there were some others that were pretty darned creepy. And others that – well, all I can say about them is that at a certain point kids, you’ll have to just buckle down and write your own damned papers, as I refuse to author your “same sex marriage and negative externalities essay” for you – know what I mean?

And hey, before I go, to the three of you who searched for “song – old fifties song about lost in the jungle,” it’s actually called “Stranded In The Jungle,” originally performed by the Cadets.

Now here’s my biggest draw – Mr. David Johansen – singing it way back when…

Heathers!

It’s sort of a shame that it’s taken me so long to write about this. You see, I have a dirty little secret. A fantastically gorgeous and fierce dirty little secret. I’m addicted to “RuPaul’s Drag Race”. And “Drag U.” And, I would imagine, any other show that eventually decides to be created under the RuPaul moniker as well.

click for Drag Race’s facebook page

I’m not alone in my fantastically gorgeous and fierce dirty little secret either. No, in fact, some friends and I created a secret group on facebook to celebrate our addiction. Our group’s name? Why “Heathers,” of course. Now, I’m not going to explain the significance of this name, as I would first have to go into detail about one of the finest movies Christian Slater and the 80’s ever gave us, and I would then have to delve deeply into Drag Race’s third season to make you understand. It’s a lot to go through just to explain a fantastically gorgeous and fierce secret group’s name, and I’ve no patience for the task. So if you want to know why we called ourselves that, you’ll just have to do the legwork yourself.

Other than the name, the membership, and the dirty little secret, our group is otherwise pretty nondescript. There are both men and women, both gay and straight. We’re stretched all across the continental U.S., and (at least one) who lives overseas. Strange word, “overseas.” I much prefer “abroad,” but I didn’t want you to think I was making a drag pun by using it. We all have work-a-day normal lives and to my knowledge, none of us has any sort of super human powers (one member does have a sock fetish, but I don’t think that counts). In short, we’re just an average bunch of folk who all know good taste when we see it. We were formed on the “you tell two friends, and so on, and so on…” type of mentality, and as a result, there’s many in the group who I’ve never actually met. Possibly some of us are even drag queens ourselves, but I am not. Not because I wouldn’t, but rather, because I really couldn’t (let’s just say that, dressing as Jackie O one Halloween, there were multiple people who felt the need to tell me just how lucky I was to have not have been born a woman).

As you can imagine, we like to get all catty about the shows, and – depending on how much vodka has been consumed – usually have a window of at least several “spoiler” hours set aside before we start dishing about whichever last episode aired. Some of us are quite vocal about the whole thing *raising my hand* and others are almost completely silent. We gab, not only about Drag Race, but other gay-related items as well. “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert,” other drag performers, “Project Runway,” (Saint) Tim Gunn, disco videos and George Takei (because it so IS OK, to be Takei!) have all been topics on our wall. In fact, when we first started our fantastically gorgeous and fierce secret group, the page’s picture was one of Bebe Neuwirth, looking all badass sexy, in a mustache of course.

In the world of secret facebook groups, I’m sure we’re only one of several devoted to “Drag Race” – heck, maybe even you’re a member of one as well? – and I’m sure that we’re not adding anything substantial to the human experience through our shared fandom. But then again, it can’t all be about adding to the human experience, now can it? Sometimes it just has to be about feeling gorgeous. Fierce even. I think – and I’m being very aware that by speaking for them all, I could very well be doing them all a great disservice – that we like RuPaul’s shows because the contestants live a sort of gorgeous that we, for whatever reason, can not. I mean, there’s also the entertainment value of each performer as well (what? Never been to a drag show? Well then, get out of your Puritanical panties and go see one. Now! Trust me when I say that you will NOT be disappointed). One of my favorites – Pandora Boxx – used to live up in my neck of the woods, but upon becoming famous, decided to “Go West” (again, if you don’t get the reference and/or don’t find yourself singing a certain Village People song right now, then I’ve hardly the time or inclination to explain it to you). She’s not a fave of mine because of her geographical kinship however, but rather because she’s funny, smart and sassy. True, she is also a “he,” but when she’s dolled up, she’s a cutey to boot. And oh, her wardrobe is to die for. I mean, assuming you like big hats with model trains running around them. I think it was trains. It could’ve been Matchbox cars though. Or maybe something else. Hey, cut me some slack. There’s a lot of “stuff” involved with drag outfits, OK? I can’t be expected to remember every detail.

Anywho. I’m sure I had a point to all this, but it has plumb run straight out of my head just now. Oh yes!  My point was simply this. RuPaul, her drag judges, drag professors and drag contestants all provide us with a little bit of gorgeous. A little bit of fierce. They all have the creativity, uniqueness, nerve and talent (again, look it up) to provide a bit of catty, yet positive, entertainment in an otherwise gloomy world. In short, in between a steady stream of drinking plain old tap water, they provide a cool refreshing sip of fruit punch. Those of us in Heathers appreciate that, and felt strongly enough to create a fantastically gorgeous and fierce secret group to celebrate it.  And it could be said, that by allowing us a little corner of our lives to not add anything substantial to the human experience, Ru’s girls are doing just that.

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

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PS – the next episode of RuPaul’s Drag U is on TONIGHT! Find Logo TV on your local listings, and give it a watch. Assuming that you know good taste when you see it, you’ll be glad you did!