Seminally yours…

According to my dictionary widget, “Seminal” means “(of a work, event, moment, or figure) strongly influencing later developments.” Now, I’ve no idea where I came up with that word when suggesting to Jen the Twisted Mix-Tap Tuesday prompt for this week, but… Oh wait, actually I do. I heard it way back when, during the days when I used to listen desperately to the radio, in the hopes of finding through it a new life. I heard it from DJ’s who were hell-bent on impressing their audience with the use of big words. An audience, mind you, that wouldn’t recognize a big word even if it jumped out of the dictionary and gave them a right-good drubbing. But we didn’t care, the words sounded cool anyway, and provided us fodder to name all of the imaginary bands to come that never quite did.

But I digress. Or as my college professor recently said, “I regress.”

Seriously.

Anywho, below you’ll find (5) lil’ ditties that made me who I am today – or in other words – had I never heard these, I would most likely be happily married, successful, and sitting around combing my pounds and pounds of luxurious hair while sampling a steak right now, instead of writing this post late at night while shoving chips and vodka into my soup cooler instead.

But alas, I did hear these songs. And as a result – well, much like the ghost in the machine – “‘ere I am, Jack…”

Too cliché to start off with? Maybe, but this truly was the song that first got me off my duffless duff, and on my way. Or at least it alerted me that it could be done – some sort of Grand Journey – once and if the good Lord allowed me to hit the golden age of 18. This song had so much impact in fact, that it was the first and only one I considered using to start off my musical autobiography with…

OK, I had no real idea what this song was about at the time, but to me it meant (2) things – 1) I would forever more see myself as much more of a Punk than a Head, and 2) I now knew that there were others who longed like I did. There were others who held themselves to standards normally frowned upon by the “popular.” There was – at long last – the possibility of tribe at least somewhere out there…

And it was Tribe that I would find. Tribe that I thought I would never lose. Even though I eventually did. At least for a spell…

Fast forward quite a number of years, and we can find a troy who is now a father, a husband, a self-perceived failure and a man on the edge of a breakdown. A breakdown I eventually muscled through (and to a certain extent, still am) all by my lonesome, or so I thought. Leave it to the boys of Therapy? to come to my aid in embracing that particular darkness…

And leave it to the boys of Pearl Jam – plus an unexpected groundswell of previously forgotten and new tribe, all of whom came rushing to my salvation – to pull me back out. Much like the rubber band that has been my life, there is Someone Up There who seemingly likes me, and that Someone never allows me to stick around in the gloomy spaces for too long, before “snapping” me back into The Real.

And yes, that brings us to your bonus track for this week…

This track, while seemingly a counter-balance to the cliché that started this post, is not. No, this song has been with me throughout my journey. Spurring me on to cross every bridge that has snuck up upon me along the way. That’s what life is after all, right? A series of bridges that we can either cross or not. Regardless of our choice, isn’t it nice to have a song in your heart to help you along on your travels? All the better still, if they’re musical milestones that will guide along your way…

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PS: As life doesn’t stop when our generational interest in music does, this bonus-bonus track is brought to you by an old man who refuses to totally give up, and one of his dearest friends, who said that this makes her think of him. My incoming New Life is now coming up on a rough patch wherein there is much to do, and little time with which to do it in. As such, I apologize if I’m not around here as often as I would like, kids. My hope is that until we hook up again, you will all stay…

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Raised On The Radio (& Heavy Metal magazine)

Bravely yielding my six-string axe through a fiery inferno of hot rock and barely clad large breasted Amazonian women. All of whom are fighting amongst themselves, in a sweaty, hot, fornication-promising heap, over who will be the victor in having the honor of straddling my leg, as the nerd painter – decked in floods and flannel and dreams – creates my muscle-ripped mountain-top-commandeering portrait, replete with crotch-covering lion’s fur and a backdrop of gloomy and hard volcanic ejacu… Oh hell! I guest authored today on wicked cool Jen’s site, and here’s the wicked cool link to take you there.

Please pop on back and tell me what you thought about my wicked cool, Heavy Metal-doused diatribe!

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You’ve got a lot of fans David Johansen…

And you too, Tevye.

Remember how I recently spoke of finding a “better place?” Yeah, well I’m finally getting around to that. And one of the things I’ve always wanted to do with this blog was to create one of those “Search Term” posts – you know, like Charissa over at Old Enough For Fairy Tales does – a task I decided was finally due.

As the title implies, Mr. Johansen is the clear winner, scoring in the first with his name alone, and then again in conjunction with The New York Dolls, the movie “Scrooged” (two of you even searched specifically for my favorite line of his in this, “it’s a bone, you lucky dog!”) and his time as Buster Poindexter. Honestly, I don’t feel as if I’ve dedicated that many posts to him, but he is by far the one leading the most people to drink from my muddy word pond.

It should be noted, Jesus comes in at the second and third slots (a lot of you seem to be interested in seeing Him hug people), but it’s Tevye and his “Fiddler On The Roof” that are far more searched for when compiling all the different terms used (five of you went so far as to seek out the logo specifically). And again, I believe I only ever did one post referencing this show. I wonder – in general – do New York Dolls fans also share an affinity for Broadway shows about Jews in Czarist Russia?

Who knows? I do know however, that a lot of people found me while searching about for National Heavy Metal Day (11/11/11). I’m sorry I only made one post about that as well. Hope I didn’t disappoint you. And I can also guess that quite a few of you have probably “borrowed” some my work on same-sex marriage based on some of the very – ummm, let’s say “specific” – searches done on this subject.

Now, while those terms may the ones that saw the most overall action, here’s a brief rundown of some of the odder ones I also found while strolling through the list:

“cool english words.” Hope they found some here – like when I said “douchery,” or “dumbassery.”

“godzilla dance party.” Every Tuesday.

“sexy robot” and “robots doing makeup.” Hey, I’m sure we’ve all searched at least once.

“spooning spoons.” Ummm, cottage industry in the making?

“bert kaempfert – christmas wonderland +cover.” Now that I KNOW the 4 searchers were able to obtain here! Why they were searching for this specifically, I suppose, is a whole different story.

“pooter bunny.” I have no idea, but 2 people thought to look for it here.

“andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber.” Who was that, again?

“i’m a whovian.” We all are. It’s just that some poor suckers don’t realize it yet.

“man spooning naked women.” Without the “with,” I’m not even sure what this involves but – I’ll say it so that you don’t have to – at least they’re not forking.

“baby rooms with dark wood cribs.” None here.

“sign that makes someone feel less ugly.” I hope they found it. If not, here it is again:

“what key did bobby darin sing as long as i’m singing in?” Not a clue.

“old people stoned.” Gotta admit, it would be pretty funny, but I’ve never actively searched for it.

“sex thunks.” Educated!

“clondom.” Wait – a word I made up for a school project was actually thunked up by someone else and searched for?

“invisible like casper.” I don’t know what about this brought them to me, but it does sound like a cool name for a rock band.

And speaking of cool band names, really? “Death donut?”

“i’m gay and i love bobby darin.” Is there a connection? Were they hoping to find a support group?

“cs lewis singing.” to my knowledge, he was actually an author.

“aslongasimsinging.wordpress.com” Come on NOW! If you’ve made it that far, why didn’t you just plug it into the address bar instead of searching?

“lol, that’s all i can say! sap for you and me:-).” I have no idea, but as God is my witness, this is the ONLY time you’ll ever see the dreaded “lol” appear on my blog. omg.

“famous male singers with bad teeth.” It was probably for a school paper or a craft project.

“Godzilla blanket.” One with him on it, or one for him to use?

And my personal favorite, although I don’t know why other than it makes me laugh every time I read it, “judas priest burp.”

Overall, this was a fun exercise, but one that I can’t imagine I’ll do too often. While I stuck to the odd ones here, there were some others that were pretty darned creepy. And others that – well, all I can say about them is that at a certain point kids, you’ll have to just buckle down and write your own damned papers, as I refuse to author your “same sex marriage and negative externalities essay” for you – know what I mean?

And hey, before I go, to the three of you who searched for “song – old fifties song about lost in the jungle,” it’s actually called “Stranded In The Jungle,” originally performed by the Cadets.

Now here’s my biggest draw – Mr. David Johansen – singing it way back when…