Tomorrow

If I turned off my mental radio and stopped, just stopped… If I stopped and really thought about it all, I would most likely burst into tears.

crying-girl

I would burst into tears like some sort of overly pampered priss, while flailing about in an impotent rage. Rage in all that has passed, and in all that has not. All that has fallen apart, and all that has stubbornly stayed put. I would mourn the death of innocence in two young lives, and the two open doors that I could not walk through alone and, as such, could not walk through at all. I would weep over the pile of bodies that 2012 is leaving behind, and the swath of aborted dreams that were mowed down throughout its three hundred and sixty five days and nights.

So to avoid this, I will not turn my mental radio off. I will instead keep the cacophony at ear-deafening volumes, while I snuggle my mind deep within the distraction and cool warmth of its noise. I will keep my rage directed towards nonsensical things, things hardly deserving the sort of hate to be bestowed upon them. And I will do so in the hopes that in so doing I can slowly bleed it out, run it dry. Empty myself of the stuff in order to fill the newly open void with something better. Something positive.

Before I do so however, I would simply like to add:

2013, I am ready for a fresh start. Please Jesus, please – I am ready for Tomorrow.

is Love alive?

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

Please, appear. Just appear. It’s time.

Israel is so much larger, scarier than it was before, and we have become a disease upon ourselves. We rape what we can’t have, we steal instead of earn, we lord over each other with wealth, and possession, and finery. We chase success instead of satisfaction, we ravage instead of grow. We hurt instead of heal. We hate instead of love. We turn everything that is blessed into a sin. Simply because. Simply because the two basic rules you gave us, rules that even a small child understands, we have decided we can not – will not – accomplish. We will NOT love you above all else. We will NOT love our neighbor as ourselves. We will not, damn You. You, in Your wisdom, offered us a choice. We, in our willed ignorance, have made it.

Please appear. Please. So that we might finally be able to…

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

•••

ARGYLE: Mind if I play some tunes?

MCCLANE: How 'bout some Christmas music?

ARGYLE: That is Christmas music.

This is Christmas music… As “Christmas” as I’m able to provide today.

If.

If I had to do it all over again…

I would’ve been a female.

133969211_elvgren-pinup-girl-bedtime-nightie-diary-beauty-mint-

I mean, and not to sound too jaded or anything, but as I troll along Blogsville’s well-lit streets, it does seem to me that it is the female of the species who garners greater attention overall.

I would have also stuck with more fiction. I understand that the idea behind this thing was to work through some issues in the first; but in retrospect that didn’t provide very much for the average reader to come running back for, now did it?

I would have figured out a way to disable my stats bar.

I would have publicized myself as well (just how in the hell I would’ve accomplished that in an anonymous fashion, I’ve no idea, but I’m sure I could’ve come up with something). I would have plugged my site, made sure that it was at least known about within my circles.

And finally, I would’ve left Jesus out of it. I can’t help but feel as if He’s rather upset with the idea that I spend a portion of my time telling you that He’s giving out (((hugs))), while I dawdle about the remaining posts, throwing f-bombs out and sulking in a general state of oft times unwarranted pissery.

If I had to do it all over again, I would start totally anew. In a new place, with a new name and a new focus. Simply to entertain, nothing more. I wouldn’t put my heart out so much so. I wouldn’t expect that anyone – busy with their own lives and concerns – would ever need to know of mine. I wouldn’t be so “me.” And hopefully, the resulting output would be better.

If I had to do it all over again… I just might.


Here’s a link, should you prefer to forgo the “live experience,” and simply listen to the prerecorded version instead.

Dear Jesus

Howdy Jesus,

I won’t be online tomorrow, so I wanted to stop in today, just to say thank you.

Thank You. You know, for everything.

Love,

t

You’ve got a lot of fans David Johansen…

And you too, Tevye.

Remember how I recently spoke of finding a “better place?” Yeah, well I’m finally getting around to that. And one of the things I’ve always wanted to do with this blog was to create one of those “Search Term” posts – you know, like Charissa over at Old Enough For Fairy Tales does – a task I decided was finally due.

As the title implies, Mr. Johansen is the clear winner, scoring in the first with his name alone, and then again in conjunction with The New York Dolls, the movie “Scrooged” (two of you even searched specifically for my favorite line of his in this, “it’s a bone, you lucky dog!”) and his time as Buster Poindexter. Honestly, I don’t feel as if I’ve dedicated that many posts to him, but he is by far the one leading the most people to drink from my muddy word pond.

It should be noted, Jesus comes in at the second and third slots (a lot of you seem to be interested in seeing Him hug people), but it’s Tevye and his “Fiddler On The Roof” that are far more searched for when compiling all the different terms used (five of you went so far as to seek out the logo specifically). And again, I believe I only ever did one post referencing this show. I wonder – in general – do New York Dolls fans also share an affinity for Broadway shows about Jews in Czarist Russia?

Who knows? I do know however, that a lot of people found me while searching about for National Heavy Metal Day (11/11/11). I’m sorry I only made one post about that as well. Hope I didn’t disappoint you. And I can also guess that quite a few of you have probably “borrowed” some my work on same-sex marriage based on some of the very – ummm, let’s say “specific” – searches done on this subject.

Now, while those terms may the ones that saw the most overall action, here’s a brief rundown of some of the odder ones I also found while strolling through the list:

“cool english words.” Hope they found some here – like when I said “douchery,” or “dumbassery.”

“godzilla dance party.” Every Tuesday.

“sexy robot” and “robots doing makeup.” Hey, I’m sure we’ve all searched at least once.

“spooning spoons.” Ummm, cottage industry in the making?

“bert kaempfert – christmas wonderland +cover.” Now that I KNOW the 4 searchers were able to obtain here! Why they were searching for this specifically, I suppose, is a whole different story.

“pooter bunny.” I have no idea, but 2 people thought to look for it here.

“andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber andrew lloyd weber.” Who was that, again?

“i’m a whovian.” We all are. It’s just that some poor suckers don’t realize it yet.

“man spooning naked women.” Without the “with,” I’m not even sure what this involves but – I’ll say it so that you don’t have to – at least they’re not forking.

“baby rooms with dark wood cribs.” None here.

“sign that makes someone feel less ugly.” I hope they found it. If not, here it is again:

“what key did bobby darin sing as long as i’m singing in?” Not a clue.

“old people stoned.” Gotta admit, it would be pretty funny, but I’ve never actively searched for it.

“sex thunks.” Educated!

“clondom.” Wait – a word I made up for a school project was actually thunked up by someone else and searched for?

“invisible like casper.” I don’t know what about this brought them to me, but it does sound like a cool name for a rock band.

And speaking of cool band names, really? “Death donut?”

“i’m gay and i love bobby darin.” Is there a connection? Were they hoping to find a support group?

“cs lewis singing.” to my knowledge, he was actually an author.

“aslongasimsinging.wordpress.com” Come on NOW! If you’ve made it that far, why didn’t you just plug it into the address bar instead of searching?

“lol, that’s all i can say! sap for you and me:-).” I have no idea, but as God is my witness, this is the ONLY time you’ll ever see the dreaded “lol” appear on my blog. omg.

“famous male singers with bad teeth.” It was probably for a school paper or a craft project.

“Godzilla blanket.” One with him on it, or one for him to use?

And my personal favorite, although I don’t know why other than it makes me laugh every time I read it, “judas priest burp.”

Overall, this was a fun exercise, but one that I can’t imagine I’ll do too often. While I stuck to the odd ones here, there were some others that were pretty darned creepy. And others that – well, all I can say about them is that at a certain point kids, you’ll have to just buckle down and write your own damned papers, as I refuse to author your “same sex marriage and negative externalities essay” for you – know what I mean?

And hey, before I go, to the three of you who searched for “song – old fifties song about lost in the jungle,” it’s actually called “Stranded In The Jungle,” originally performed by the Cadets.

Now here’s my biggest draw – Mr. David Johansen – singing it way back when…