Raised On The Radio (& Heavy Metal magazine)

Bravely yielding my six-string axe through a fiery inferno of hot rock and barely clad large breasted Amazonian women. All of whom are fighting amongst themselves, in a sweaty, hot, fornication-promising heap, over who will be the victor in having the honor of straddling my leg, as the nerd painter – decked in floods and flannel and dreams – creates my muscle-ripped mountain-top-commandeering portrait, replete with crotch-covering lion’s fur and a backdrop of gloomy and hard volcanic ejacu… Oh hell! I guest authored today on wicked cool Jen’s site, and here’s the wicked cool link to take you there.

Please pop on back and tell me what you thought about my wicked cool, Heavy Metal-doused diatribe!

conanearlnoremjr1

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Happy Feet

She is an inspiring artist, and a wonderful sport. I love her vision, and have longed to use more than one of her pieces as prompts. With one of her more recent works I blurted out my desire, and instead of politely ignoring me (as she should have), she actually invited me instead to go ahead and do as I wished. Dear Elena, I truly hope I don’t disappoint you with the following…

Copyright - Elena Caravela

Copyright – Elena Caravela

The shoes are key.

You see, it’s the shoes that always point forward, never back.

And my friend, if you’ve even one that points in the yesterday direction, then I should think it high time that you invest in a new pair!

No, it’s the shoes that point forward. Ever looking towards the horizon. Ever hoping for the next step instead of the last, scary monsters and super creeps be damned.

Be they jaunty or clunky, tight tipped or broad-nosed, dirty or clean, new or old, they carry you on your journey. They are – if you’ll pardon the deplorable, yet necessary pun – with you every step of the blessed (or damned, as the case may be) way.

For you see, while the shoes may point the direction, tis you who decides how they’ll get you to where they’re going. Tis you who decides whether they’ll bounce or thud, whether they’ll crisply cut the low air, or drag along the concrete sulkily. Tis you who decides whether they will move with purpose and speed, lounge along casually with a certain ease of mind, or trawl dead-weighted from moment to moment in sullen despair.

You see, whether you turn to the left or turn to the right is not the thing. The thing is in the very fashion with which you make that turn, and in the passion with which you tarry forth.

And best of all, tis you who decides that, my friend – YOU!

As for yours truly, I had decided several epiphanies back to slap the smile on my face, and screw my best hat – yes, the flouncy one – securely to my noggin just prior to heading out my mind’s door.

True, the rain still comes, and the weather must still be weathered. But I’ve come to learn that it’s not so much the rain that stops me, as it is these very drops of salty wetness that serve to create me – making me who I am and who I might someday be.

The smudges these sky-fallen tears leave are worn with pride, not embarrassment. And much like the shoes that are charged with moving both them and my own good self along, on our way forward we all march gaily to the ‘morrow!

•••

I hope you come along too.

And yes, I am ending today with this…

“You say there’s a horse in your bathroom, and all you can do is stand there naming Beatles songs?”

Still in search of that “special something” for the “special someone” in your special life?

Well, you’re a tad bit screwed if you haven’t found it by now.

OR,

You could still save the day, by simply purchasing for them the gift that everyone on the planet – young and old alike – would simply adore: a book written by Douglas Adams!

Don’t believe me? Click here for my latest 1001 Books To Read Before You Die review, and then run out and buy a box load for the entire family to enjoy!

Please click here to check out all my reviews for the 1001 Books team.

Dirk+Gently+Holistic+Detective+Agency

Merry Christmas Eve everyone.

Here’s hoping that 2013 will be kind, and wholly unlike the year that preceded it.

Now, without further ado, the second bestest Christmas song ever:

Looking cool, hanging with nepaliaustralian

I’m not sure.

You see, it might be. Based on the idea that my other efforts were more “reviewish” in nature then they were actually “guestish,” you know?

Know what? I’ve no idea what we’re talking about. You do this all the time. You start a conversation, only after you’re halfway through it in your head already.

Sorry. What I was saying is that I’m not sure if today’s post is the first time I’ve ever done an actual guest blog or not. Do the book reviews count? Because if not, then I can get all excited and giddy while telling everyone that this is my first time ever!

And if the book review posts do count?

Well then, I guess I’ll just have missed my opportunity altogether.

In that case, then no. They don’t count. Now, get all excited and tell everyone. But make it quick, as you’re far too old to be acting like this.

And oh – by the way – you DO realize that you in fact did tell everyone that your first review was also your “first guest post,” right? Thus making this entire conversation irrelevant, and a waste of everyone’s time.

Well, yeah… But I mean, I highly doubt anyone’s ever gonna read that far back to realize that I did – so let’s just keep it ‘tween ourselves, OK?

Ummm… sure?

Great. Thanks!

Hey everybody – lookie, lookie!  Right here! My first-ever guest blog post! Awesome!  I really hope you like it bunches! Woo-hoo! Yay me! *clap*clap*clap*clap* Yes, YES!

•••

Sorry kids, but you’ll just have to read the linked post to understand the reasoning behind today’s tune…

Just One (more book review) Fix

Hey, are you there?

Pfft, no.

Why? Why not?

Because I’m here, of course. On the mollyfocking bus. Where I’ve always been, where I’ve never been before. As always. Come on, click the link. Take a lookie. Tell me what you think.

A book review?

Yeah. A book review, about junkies, and drugs, and the movie. THE MOVIE. Just one of 1,001 to read before you die.

Oh.

Well, will you ever come back here?

I suppose. Why?

Just wondering.

Hey, when?

When the bus stops, of course.

Oh. Ok then. See you then.

You might rabbit, you might.

Hey, what’s with the post title anyway? You gonna do something expected, like end this with a blatantly anti-drug anti-song?

Duh rabbit, duh.

No, not here…

HERE!

That’s right, today’s post is actually living over at Cam’s place. You see both Kir and Cam cajoled me into writing some fiction that didn’t involve dead people, evil dead people, creepy living people who see dead people, and/or the burdened spouses of dead people. In short, they tricked me into writing something good.

Please take a stroll over, but make sure you come back, letting me know how you liked it.

Assuming you liked it.

And assuming you can tell me without using swears.

OK, fine. You can go ahead and use swears.

Happy Friday!

“I don’t go to mythical places with strange men.”

Or better yet, “nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren’t up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up.”

Or maybe even a bit of “it can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport’.”

Listen, what all this nonsense is leading up to is merely that I’m taking the day off. Not because k~ told me too, but rather because I didn’t take the day off a week or two ago, when I drummed up my next review for 1,001 Books To Read Before You Die. Give us a click, and read on!

Yes, it’s another book from Douglas Adams. AND, there’s even one more review of his stuff to come after this.

What? I told you I had a man-crush on him, after all…