Crazy.

He was a client. Just a client.

Why am I sitting here, crying over the news of his sudden death? Why did he have to die while vacationing with his bride? Why did he have to die at all?

And the other? He was my sister-in-law’s father.

I knew him better, but that fact didn’t save his life. Maybe he’s spending time with dad now, maybe not.

Am I crazy for crying?

She’s a client as well.

One who’s been holding onto a very dark secret for far too many years. A secret she’s no longer willing to live with. A secret she shared with me. Again, impotent tears roam my pallid face.

And the one I’m supposed to be protecting?

Well, she won’t even protect herself. At the grand age of 14, she’s decided that life is a waste, bettering yourself, for chumps.

Am I crazy for trying?

Am I?

•••

Listen, I apologize if this one is all clunky and amateurish in nature. It’s just that here it is September already, and still 2012 continues to shit itself down the throats of my friends and loved ones. Shoving pain after pain into their lives while I sit idly by – a personally unaffected and powerless passenger on a bullshit scenic drive through the streets of Miserytown, population: too damned many.

And then Fay dropped “Crazy” by Patsy Cline as her latest song prompt, the very day I found out about one client, three days prior to other client’s unexpected and violent death. As one who seemingly can’t let any damned thing go, thoughts of these two brought to mind the other two. And the rage builds. The anger boils. The frustration, the God damned frustration… Part of me wants to fall down at His feet, and the other part wants to sucker punch Him in the gut. The 150 words laid down today aren’t a testament to Patsy’s lost love so much as they are an affirmation of her feeling like she’s crazy. Anyone who lets love in is crazy. But maybe crazy is the way to be. Maybe crazy is the sole path to salvation, the route to being reborn.

I don’t know, and to be honest, I’m not actually in the mood to care just now. Just now, all I want to say is “hey, Big Daddy Death and Uncle Devastation, fuck you. I’ve had enough of the both of you this year. Quite enough. Give it a rest already, will ya? Leave my friends alone. Leave my family alone. Just leave us alone.”

I’m terribly sorry about all the pissy posts as of late kids. I’ll try my best to find a better place, and write from there moving forward. For now here’s Patsy with “Crazy,” one of only (3) country performers I’ll ever admit to listening to on a regular basis…

Briefly… Friday edition.

Sorry to bust in on you again like this, on an otherwise gorgeous, “lay about n’ do nothing” Friday, but I would like to take a moment of your time to ask you for some help.

Clicking on the link embedded in the above image will take you to a donation site for a friend of mine who is currently battling cancer. His coworkers and friends have come together to try and help his family financially, and I would ask that – if you could – you help by joining in the fight.

Personally speaking, I’ve had just about enough of Big Daddy Cancer this year, and I would be thrilled if we could all work together to punch it square in the jaw at least this once.

Thanks for hearing me out, and thanks in advance for your help kids.

And no, I won’t leave ya hanging without a tune – Got Some? Yeah, it’s a “Got Some” sort of day…

12/23 To Life!

*Ahem*

Happy birthday to You,

Happy birthday to You,

Happy birthday,

Baby Jesus,

Happy birthday to you.

For some, Christmas lights will be twinkling and a new born savior babe will appear beneath the brightest star.

For others, eight magical candle-lit nights will be followed by eight magical smile-filled days, and a temple will be reborn.

A few more will be sharing the Yule Feast with family and friends, in celebration of the solstice of winter.

And for others still, an extra long weekend will simply be enjoyed and celebrated – all because there’s a whole bunch of people out there who just happen to believe in things like savior babes and magical lights.

Regardless of what persuasion you happen to be this year, i hope you enjoy your holiday season to it’s fullest. i hope you enjoy all the food you eat too much – or not too much – of. i hope you enjoy your wine. Unless you don’t drink of course. i hope that your celebrations are merry, boisterous and bright. Unless you prefer to stay home, quietly snuggled up in front of the fire, real or imagined. Most importantly though, i hope – i pray – that you take the time to enjoy the people in your life, and reflect upon how important they are. How important we all are. Together we are a living web, each of us merely a strand, and none of us truly able to survive without the others. Whether created or coincidental, we’re all we’ve got, and that’s exactly good enough.

Thank you for being a part of my web this year, and i sincerely hope that the Naughty List finds not your name upon it.

Peace!

t