Trifecta 2nd attempt: I’m telling you now…

Ever-present.

No matter should I attempt to run from, too, or through – He stands, belligerent.

Pervasive, judgmental… longing for me to fail. Needing me to.

He is what I fear.

He is me.

Picture11-1

Sorry to be back so soon, raining again on your Trifecta Writing Challenge parade, but this prompt – wherein we get to slap down 33 words about that which scares us most – (for me at least) was a clear no-brainer. I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into a “me” that is in the process of withering, as my new horizon slowly chases all his shadows away.

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57 thoughts on “Trifecta 2nd attempt: I’m telling you now…

  1. The reasons I adore you, your words shine through here…most of my life I have been my worst nightmare…I am free now…I hope you are also T….you are a gift to this world…and close to my heart.

    • Because it’s you, and because you’ve always been such a kind soul, I will go here:

      I am doing better, Love. Thank you. After spending years chasing after those who don’t get me, or get me for only a spell, I have been forced to look through doors that they themselves have opened for me. And in so doing, I have found that I was already surrounded by love. From people who DID get me. People who DO want to do so, for the long run. And when I saw these people believing in me for no other reason than they see it as true and natural thing to do, I realized – what sort of ass would I be, to still listen to those who say otherwise?

      I am free now as well, Love. And it feels good.

  2. Hey Troy, I’m Seablackwithink’s fiance. I love this post. People can simultaneously be their own best friend and worst enemy. When I was deep into my addiction I actually embraced being my own worst enemy. I reveled in it. Then once I reconnected with Seablack she helped me focus on the positive. She’s the best person I’ve ever met and with the great quality and quantity of love we give one another it is far easier to see the beauty of life even when things aren’t ideal. Great job buddy!

    • I know you are, Meat Beat, and what I see you two have gives me hope =)

      I also know what you meant about “reveling” – enjoying being the “victim,” in the hopes of garnering some sort of pity.

  3. I relate to this so much. It’s such a vicious cycle, too. Self doubt, followed by self sabotage, just in case I was wrong about the self doubt. Great 33 words this one! Well done!

  4. This is absolutely filled with so much truth. Becoming our own worst nightmare, or worst enemy is a horrifying feeling. To realize we have the power over our mistakes and triumphs is one of the most magical moments ever. This is so wonderful.

  5. I have to think about how I feel about this one. I think that I have to talk to myself first, before I decide if any of the talk is a talk that is a sharing…I typed, so that you know, that I am present.

  6. Needing me to fail….needing to dissect me…
    is some shadow of all those who stopped me from being me and have now imprinted on myself…I have become those voices…my own voice I have buried …

  7. Troy, nice to meet you and to read both your Trifecta entries. So pleased you’ve joined in the challenges – it’s a supportive writing atmosphere and community.

    Writing about fear of self can go horribly wrong and maudlin, but your excellent, strong word choices never allowed that. Yours is a wonderful entry with a lovely flow and reveal. Well done! I look forward to reading more and more of your writing!

    • Sandra, spot-on as usual – from cradle all the way to honeymoon suite.
      But no longer is right as well, On and Up is the only direction I’m allowing m’self now.

  8. it’s true. We are our own worst enemies, especially us writers. We think everything we write is rubbish, yet we have to share it anyway, LOL. I really like this.

    • Thank you so much SAM! You know, I did have one who used to say that what I wrote “were only words,” but its the one thing that I’ve always *known* that I can do well. And other than her, I’ve been pretty blessed with people who seem to agree with me on that (and your writing is wonderful as well) =)

  9. the voices in our heads, the doubts in our hearts about ourselves. Yes, I know we are all afraid of that, afraid that what we think of ourselves could be true.

    in your case, it’s not.

  10. This is why I love you. And want to smack you in that cute bald head of yours. You’ve no idea your worth. You’ve no idea the love you radiate. You’ve no idea the lives you change with your words. A terrific story from a terrific brother.

    Love, Renee

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