Another Friday, another Friday Fictioneers (sorry kids, but I can only submit these when the pictures tell me the story, as this week’s did.) As always, I hope you enjoy what today’s muse whispered into my ear…
Copyright -Anelephantcant
The chain – well, you could hardly call it that, now could you? – Would’ve never been left draped around his neck in days of old. No, back then he was prized, needed, secured.
He remembered the lad who’d rode him, screaming together down blown-out streets to get messages to the front.
God, he loved that boy. So handsome, so gentle, so fast!
The lad had a good eye, failing him only on that day where “Jerry” had hid in the bell tower.
Lying beside his dying love, he wept while his seat slowly absorbed the blood.
A lifetime ago of course, it was now a mere cherished memory as he sat idly – unloved, unneeded, and most decidedly unchained.
•••
That was just about the most moving anthropomorphisation we’ve had in response to this prompt Troy. Made me want to go out and give my bike a hug… :)
Thank you so much Sandra! And, if you do – PLEASE make sure someone takes a pic, as I’d LOVE to see that!
Ah Man! Didn’t feel like crying, really didn’t.
Sorry ’bout that – but hey – tears are good for cleansing the soul, right?
This is a very good piece. Touching with evocative writing; you feel for both the boy and the bike. Very well done!
I really appreciate that Perry. And no smartassery either – I must have really gotten to you this week! =)
This was so great—I would never have thought to personify the bike like this. Beautifully done.
Thank you so much – I’m so glad that it resonated with you!
Dang it Troy! You got me. Tears :'( This is an excellent, tight write. So good.
Sorry about that dear! I’ll make the next one a happy one, OK?
was getting two stories from this, one from the bike and one from the boy..even without him saying a word.
I
saying goodbye is never easy and longing is universal, but esp in this piece. You would think unchained would be freeing, sometimes..it just isn’t .
XO
Very true Kir – and the use of the chains was what brought the story first alive to me. As some are free without them, others can only be free with them in place.
A very moving piece. Well-done Troy!
Thank you Gabriella, I’m very glad that you liked it!
Wow… that was incredibly powerful, darling.
Much thanks dear – it really means quite a lot to me.
And thank you for the pingie as well =]
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You adroitly managed two moving stories all in 100 words. Well done, Troy!
janet
As always Janet, thank you for your feedback! And yes, I DID have to look “adroitly” up… =)
Reminds me of a few things…one being an old ’65 (Ford?) Comet…my second car.
Powder blue. Thanks for the Jazz and the visit.
Powder blue is good =)
Hi Troy,
It does look like an old bike with a long history, which makes your story seem plausible. Great descriptive detail and an interesting point of view. Ron
A long history, but apparently only one great love, ehh? I suppose that makes its tale all the sadder. Thanks Ron!
A bicycle memoir – and another memoir of war, which for some reason that bike has inspired. Very poetic.
Thank you Lindaura – I was hoping to write a love story, with none being the wiser… and I am always taken aback when someone finds my work poetic – I appreciate that =)
Oh, the day the spokes spoke of days gone by. Awesome, Troy.
I love that – “the spokes spoke” – can I borrow it for maybe a revised title of this? =)
Goodness! What a unique take on the prompt, Troy. Dark and moving, too… just the way I like it ;)
Much thanks! I try very hard to make sure that it doesn’t lean to heavily towards either the dark or the moving, and sometimes I guess I get the balance about right =)
You draw such emotions from both characters in this story. I love the style you are putting forth lately.
Thanks Joe, that’s two so far this week – back-to back no less! – that I feel really proud of. I’m glad you feel the same, and in the future I think I’m going to continue to drill deeper.
Creative!
=)
Now that was touching. Really.
I’m glad it was Jackie =)
All I can say is “Wow, what a great story!” You really nailed it this week, Troy.
That means quite a lot sir – thank you!
We should all be so lucky as to find love, even if it’s with a bicycle instead of a biped. Well written story.
A feeling deep inside, that found life in a bike instead of biped was all, but I’m glad you enjoyed it =) And if we’re honest, the cycle is much more loyal than the “ped” any day anyway, right?
Yikes! There’s a certain bite to this one, succinct and striking.
Thank you my Nelle, *wink.*
A steadfast bicycle, true to the end. Sad but lovely.
Them;s the best. m’dear. Steadfast and true. Hard to find, so latch on hard when you do!
Dear Troy,
Perhaps the title should be “Unchained Melody.” On a more serious note, you told a great love story. Simply touching.
shalom,
Rochelle
Hahaha, touche Rochelle! But then I would’ve felt compelled to post Les Baxter and (though I love him dearly), most likely would’ve lost the majority of my readership in the process!
Loved this. Very clever. Plot, characterisation and point of view: the bike tells the boy’s story; in doing so, telling his own.
Thank you dear =) I didn’t see the “story within a story” initially, but I’m glad that you and others did!
Geez, I’m not sure which of these two I feel more for, the boy or the bike. Why does the bike steal centre stage? A entertaining read.
Because the bike loved more? I mean, it’s just a guess, but it seems about right. As the bike always loves more than the rider does… =)
Wow, as others have said – great story – very moving. Of all that I’ve read so far, this is the best. Nice work!
I’m thrilled and very proud that you would feel that way Steph!
Very moving, very clever. I love the last line, made me sigh like a deflating bike tyre!
=) Hehehehe – thank you!
Troy, you gave us two stories for the price of one! Very well done, such a powerful story
Dee
I’m so glad you enjoyed it (them), Dee!
a really powerful piece Troy .. decidedly my favorite this week..
I am very proud that you would say that dear. Hand-to chest Thank you =)
Have I ever told you you’re my favorite? You move me Troy. Your story though short proves that there is love in inanimate objects. As writers we have to bring that love to the reader’s attention of course. Very well done. xoxoxoxoxo
Thank you so much Nae. It really wasn’t so hard though. Once I imagined myself (or maybe someone else) as a bike, it all just sort of fell into place =)
That’s the beauty of emotive writing. We imagine ourselves as that object and it all does fall right into place. =}
I really liked this Troy. It’s amazing how much history you pulled out of that bike! :D
Thank you Linda, but really, it did most of the talking. I just listened, imagined how it must have felt, and wrote down what it said =)
It’s amazing the way the works, isn’t it?
Truly! One of the things I love best about these prompt exercises!
I agree. They reveal yourself to yourself. :D
That they do – sometimes even when we wish they wouldn’t!
Hahah! So true. It’s times like that when a pen name would come in handy!