Tomorrow

If I turned off my mental radio and stopped, just stopped… If I stopped and really thought about it all, I would most likely burst into tears.

crying-girl

I would burst into tears like some sort of overly pampered priss, while flailing about in an impotent rage. Rage in all that has passed, and in all that has not. All that has fallen apart, and all that has stubbornly stayed put. I would mourn the death of innocence in two young lives, and the two open doors that I could not walk through alone and, as such, could not walk through at all. I would weep over the pile of bodies that 2012 is leaving behind, and the swath of aborted dreams that were mowed down throughout its three hundred and sixty five days and nights.

So to avoid this, I will not turn my mental radio off. I will instead keep the cacophony at ear-deafening volumes, while I snuggle my mind deep within the distraction and cool warmth of its noise. I will keep my rage directed towards nonsensical things, things hardly deserving the sort of hate to be bestowed upon them. And I will do so in the hopes that in so doing I can slowly bleed it out, run it dry. Empty myself of the stuff in order to fill the newly open void with something better. Something positive.

Before I do so however, I would simply like to add:

2013, I am ready for a fresh start. Please Jesus, please – I am ready for Tomorrow.

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20 thoughts on “Tomorrow

  1. Play it loud, t! I’ve been reading a lot about neuroplasticity, lately, partly because that is the constant state of children, and partly because the science is ultra-cool. Anyway, my point is that, when it comes to the neurological basis of the way we feel, it’s not so much what we do, it’s what we think about, you know? Like athletes envisioning every movement necessary to win the gold metal. Or survivors rocking out to music that makes them feel powerful, lifted, engaged, scrubbed raw, cleaned out, or whatever. It’s a good place to start starting over, you know? Happy 2013!

  2. She takes advantage of this cyber realm, where she can move however she pleases, and sashays past the bar to the jukebox. She smiles at him from across the room as she pushes J13 and listens as the record begins to spin

    “I hear it will be a fantastic year, it’s a good thing you’re ready for it.”

    Her smile lingers as the music plays, and she slips off into the sound.

  3. Keeping the volume up loud is called surviving…many would even call it survival skills. Those skills are needed to function in a very imperfect world. I know you know God is present 24/7 and when your volume starts to dim, it is then you must call God up….trust me on this one….I have placed many of calls to him at all hours of the day and night and you know, he always answers! Especially when I have hit the mute button! Happy 2013 my friend!

  4. Thanks for introducing us to The Rudiments, this is a fun song. Filling your head up with cool music isn’t a bad way to go! Cheers for ’13!

    • I tell anyone who will listen that music was my first ever best friend, so I’m thrilled to share all the good stuff I discover during our relationship. Well, the good stuff that won’t blow me in for being a nerd at any rate =)

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