Can big girls be super models?


Why not? It’s important to remember that beauty comes not only from within, but from without as well.

And fearful little men – the kind that never raise a fist – may also be willing to throw a punch from time to time, should the cause be just.

Gay kids may very well have a crush on someone of the opposite sex, and straight kids may experience the same with a member of their own.

Packs-a-day smokers may eventually see the light, and quit before Big Daddy Cancer wraps his fist tightly around their lungs. And teetotalers – the kind that are much better at preaching than they are at practicing – might stop wagging their fingers just long enough, to instead hold out a hand to help.

The lion and the lamb may never lay side by side on this mortal coil, but that shouldn’t stop the Christian and the atheist from doing so.

The rich person might someday be more concerned with the content of their character, than they are the cut of their cloth. While the poor person might, on that very same someday, stop using their poverty simply as an excuse to not achieve.

The one who suffers from anxiety may very well look deep into the mirror, and come to realize that they actually ARE exactly as beautiful as people say that they are. And the jaded soul? Well they could decide to melt – even if it’s just enough – to allow for and enjoy that long offered and sought-after hug.

You see, this world is full of untapped possibilities. They dot the sky like so many stars, washing across our existence like rainbows of opportunities. Anything can happen, and it bears enough weight as to be said again, anything can happen. All that’s required is that we first remove our goggles of ignorance and discard our unneeded, yet overly used, fear of power. True power. The power to grow, instead of stagnate. The power to be better, instead of just OK. The power to be real, instead of realistic. The power to love freely, instead of hate selfishly.

All that’s needed is that we stop placing ourselves first.

I am in no way better than any other. Twice a week I write weakly of love and family, of observations and desires. I write of flight and imprisonment, of people that never lived, and people that never should.  But for all my writing and wistfulness, I have yet to actually felt the sky beneath my wings. I have yet to conquer my fear of me and become what is my birthright as a child of God. Hell, I am only just now starting the process of tearing those damned goggles from my apathetic eyes, feeling them squint and squirm as they’re exposed to the new and burning Light.

This process began two years ago when I laid down the last cancer stick to ever touch my lips, followed shortly thereafter by my enrollment in college. Finally. And after forty two years, today I will be receiving what most of you earned when you were twenty. After forty two years, I will receive my Associates Degree. Seven semesters down, with a 4.0 for each and every one. It scares me to no end what that means. How it frees me to actually go after success. How it precludes me from ever using again my well-worn excuse of being stupid. Of being unworthy. It scares me, but that fear will not stop me. Not this time. Not ever again. Listen, because I don’t say this very often: my name is Troy, and today I did something that is forty two years overdue. Today I impressed the hell out of me. Today I finally realized that mom was right. I am “better than that.” Today, I’m gonna walk off that fucking stage with my head held high, and I’m gonna start to live.

I’m gonna finally take flight.

Is it stupid and naive to think this way? Most likely. But I don’t care. I’m gonna give it a try anyway. Because sometimes even packs-a-day smokers eventually see the light. I would ask you to join me if you will. After all, in the final analysis, we really are all that we have, and what we have is exactly enough. And the possibilities? Well my friends, they are simply endless…

~ Love ~

45 thoughts on “Can big girls be super models?

  1. Wow! A beautiful look at how life can really be when one puts their heart into it, not afraid to be afraid while you work through it. You have some phrases here that are wonderful. This is some fine writing.

    Congratulations on all your achievements!

    • Thanks Teresa – as you can see, it’s been a pretty emotional week for me. I’m glad to hear my writing hasn’t taken a dive as as a result =)

  2. OMG this is beautiful! This should be a commencement speech!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Wear that gown proud LOL!
    I’ll be thinking of you up there on the stage. ;)
    And CONGRATS on quitting smoking. :D You may be 42 but you’re way ahead of me at 54. You’re way ahead of a lot of people … but who’s keeping score, right? This is about you :D Clink!

    • Much thanks, and rest assured – I ROCKED the gown. Even curtsied. True story.

      BTW – there is no score to keep. Do what you can, when you can =)

      • LOL that’s great! I’ve never seen anyone curtsy! :D

        Did you say you wanted a book before I give them all away? If so how?

        • I’m damned good at it too!

          Are you honestly just giving your book away? I could never “just take” one! It wouldn’t be right!

  3. “As you awaken, may your dreams greet you by name and may you answer- ‘yes’”
    Mary Anne Radmacher

    The symbols you place in your life are just that, symbols. They can assist, or defeat you depending on the power you give them. “Remember to remember” is my mantra when I forget to remember what I really am, where I really come from, what I am really capable of… “Remember to remember.”

    Congratulations Troy, on the day that will become a benchmark (but not the end) of continuing successes. This is the key that opens the door to your future self, I can hardly wait to see what you find as you enter the room beyond the door. This is an exciting time… (and I bet you will look “Dreamy” in your gown). 4.0… that means you not only took the challenge, but you worked hard to maintain the consistent cream at the top of the bottle. Stand up and enjoy the feeling, remember it, and know that there are so many more like it waiting for you.

    • There you go, making me cry again.

      You’re right, I did work hard. Thanks for reminding me of that, and rest assured, as I find what I find in the room beyond, I’ll be sure to tell you my friend =]

  4. is it a commencement speech? i agree, make that speech! congratulations!
    and i get what you’re saying… as someone who writes over and over again about flying, wishing to fly, learning to fly, trying to fly, crash landing, trying again, flying oh flying. i just get it. good on you.

    • Alas, this was not a commencement speech, but I will keep it handy for when my BBA comes ’round!

      Ah, flying. I can see it now. One day we will, you and I. Don’t ask me how or why, but I believe that at some point, all those who dream of it, will be given the opportunity. Hope I’ve the stones to accept =)

    • And your willingness to read them when you should be letting your “new” eyes rest inspires me – thank you very much :)

  5. Troy, I stumbled over here from Desi’s blog (over at Valentine4), so this is the first time I’ve ever read your stuff. Just wanted to say: Congratulations. Last June, at age 43, I got my BA after 14 years of studying. So, no, not everyone gets their degree at 20. And I think for those of us who get it when we’re older, it’s worth three times as much. At least. Way to go.

    • Thanks for stumbling over (LOVE Desi’s blog!), and thanks for the encouuragement as well =]

      For me, the best part about going later was that, for the first time in my life, I was the “old guy” that everyone just naturally assumed was smart!

  6. Wow. This post has made me really think which I have not been doing for a really long time. “The power to be real, instead of realistic.” Wow. Okay. At this point I can’t think because I’m still in awe of your beautiful post but…. AHH. I really don’t know what to type in because I’ve just felt something change in me and I don’t know how to put it in words. Thank you. This post is so wonderful and uplifting….. I must share it to the world.

  7. Beautifully expressed, as usual.
    Congratulations on getting your degree and doing so well. Especially the curtsy – they’re darned tricky things to do well. :)

    (Excuse my ignorance though, what is an Associates Degree? Bachelors & Masters I understand but haven’t come across Associates.)

    • Thank you, and no fears, I’ve been doing them for years – almost second-nature by now =)

      An Associates is basically half of a Bachelor’s degree. So, pretty much useless now-a-days, unless you’re hoping to obtain a BBA.

  8. OK. I have to chuckle to myself. I was reading through this post just waiting for a hook. Your writing is sometimes wry and pithy (in a good way) maybe sly and witty (also in a good way) but this time? Nada. Great to see the sensitive side of t.

  9. Troy how beautiful your writing is! I’m soooo happy that I had a tiny bit to do with how you have evolved! Your honest feelings about how you felt earning your degree (and acheiving a perfect 4.0 consistently each and every term!) are inspiring. I’m so happy you are finally seeing what your mom (and the rest of the world) always knew was true. Best of luck with your BBA – I know you will continue to achieve greatness and I’m glad I will be able to be a witness! Noreen

  10. Wooh! I could feel the intensity building up from start to finish. You should record this the Baz Luhrmann way, only more heightened! :D

  11. Wow! So happy you have crossed my path! I love those “You are better then that.” I heard it once from my kids during a time I needed it the most! I love that “feeling” of living again!

    • So happy I did as well! Yeah, my mom spent years telling me that and – as a studious son – I spent years assuming that she had no earthly idea what she was speaking about.

  12. Reblogged this on asklotta and commented:
    Dear Readers,
    Please read Can Big Girls Be Super Models. Hands down has to be one of the most inspirational posting on a blog I’ve read in a while! It is difficult for me to believe anyone so creative and smart with the powers to make others (me) feel so much better about life (possiblities within)…could ever have been in self-doubt. He is proof, it is NEVER too late to throw your shoulders back, take responsibility, stop blaming others for your bad decisions, make the needed changes in your life and start living the life that brings the kind of happiness that is married to self-worth.
    So in the spirit of our season (graduation) I share with you a true positive graduation achievement…kicking a nicotine habit, an academic record worthy of a refrigerator posting for all to admire and a mother’s never failing belief in her son! T I stand clapping in your honor today!
    Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS with a hope that you too will (stop with the excuses) to make the positive and needed changes in your life!

  13. “The lion and the lamb may never lay side by side on this mortal coil, but that shouldn’t stop the Christian and the atheist from doing so.”
    And who said that there’s no lion that would eat no lamb and no lamb that has no fear to lay next to a Lion? Anything is possible. :)
    Besides, do you remember the tigers raised by Tibetan monks? :D Any lamb can lay by their side… The secret is only LOVE. <3

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